MOVED

Okay, so  recently I've been having little panic attacks, mostly from looking at my to-do list (so much to do before submission but so little time - just typing this down is giving me heart palpitations) and also from just thinking about the imminent future.

I'm a very private person (in a way) so not a lot of people know I've had this crisis with just... Identifying myself. I'm always looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "Who the f are you?", "What are you doing here?", "Where are you going with your life?", etc.

Call it existential crisis, whatever it is, the point remains; I'm a lost soul.

You would think I'd have it all figure out by now (especially now that I'm 23 years old) but unfortunately not. I am still steadfast on the road to self discovery.

Well back to the point; Sleepless nights alternating between work and cups of coffee and 50 packets of caramelised biscuits have resulted in me purchasing my own domain.

So from now on (aka from 23rd May onwards - after my final submission) I will be blogging via Wordpress, and whoever is interested in reading it and follow this lost soul on a journey towards discovering herself can do so by visiting:

nadhrahzainal.com

Oh yes guys. I am legit. *fist pump*

However just trying to figure out how to actually host my own domain nearly made me kill myself because just when you think you're pretty well-versed about the workings of the internet... you discover that you're actually retarded and technologically challenged. 

What I'm trying to say is; the website is shit at the moment because I can't be arsed to spent another 3-4 hours trying to figure out how to install an external theme. It's all very complicated, especially when a mind is as clouded as mine is right now.

So thats about it. See you on the other side x


PS: For now I've completely exported this blog on to Wordpress, but thinking about it, maybe its wise to just start anew... meh whatever it is, I'll have to figure all that out later.

I want to blog but I've decided that I won't... not until I've finished my electives essay. 

Day or Night or Day?

So I've been slacking off lately... but I'm not ready to put this blog on another long hiatus just yet. It just hit me that I have SO much work to do, thus why I need to fully utilise the coming Easter break to finish up as many work possible; starting with my electives essay and then studio work.

Am tempted to join a group of friends' trip to Cornwall, but decided against it because there is no way on Earth would I get anything done being in a cottage house with 12 people. Its the making of a memorable trip though, which is why I haven't completely said no to it yet; it all depends on how much work I get done beforehand.

The past week have been eventful and.... not eventful. I know that that makes no sense, but what I meant by it is that there were days that was spent entirely in vain, but there were days that were eventful or how most like to call productive.

I've been pretty much a night owl these past few weeks as well, I still haven't decided whether I like it or not. I'll admit that I love that I get to Skype the boyfriend at night, when its morning where he is and watch him get ready and leave for work.

Some nights I get a lot of work done, but some nights I just waste my time doing God knows what and eventually just tire myself out. However good or bad the nights are, I'd always however, end up waking late. 

I'll always wake up at 5-6 am (I think my body is just programmed to function in that manner and I have no problems waking up without the need of an alarm clock) but I will almost always spend another 2-3 hours in bed... and only be properly awake at say, 9-10 am.

I just need to decide whether or not I'm more productive at night or in the morning at this moment in time... and adjust my sleeping cycle accordingly.

Car Boot Sale at St. Helens.

Hello its me again (I have no idea why I always feel inclined to have a word of greeting at the start of each post) writing from my usual spot in my bedroom.

Its a Sunday night and I am not entirely sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Actually... I do. I'm just putting it off as always. I've done next to nothing the whole day and I hate myself for it. SEE. This is my problem; I always make plans for the next day, and when the day comes I keep putting off whatever it is I have planned for absolutely no reason. 

I need to change, and it will need to happen immediately.

Right after I finish this post and that huge batch of strawberries I have in hand (need to put them all in my tummy before any of it goes bad). I promise.

Fortunately enough, today was not entirely a waste; Woke up at eight in the morning and headed for a carboot sale in St Helen's, scouted by Helmie. Unfortunately though the things being sold were very... Meh.

The sale spans across an entire car park, and also occupies three floors of the NCP building next to it. According to Helmie it used to be a lot bigger than it is now; apparently it used to occupy the entire 6 levels or so of the NCP. *gasps*

Syasya and I came out of it empty handed; the only thing that caught my eye being a set of 4 soup mugs that were identical to the ones my family used to have. Would've bargained for it, but I am strongly convinced that those mugs are still at home... somewhere. 

Don't get me wrong; I love scrounging for and reusing things that some people consider trash, useless and no longer of value... but I stopped myself since I currently have my eyes set on this old brass pineapple on eBay and lets just say that a couple of us are fighting it out for this thing and I am prepared to WIN it.

Helmie and Aman came out with a rotating fan and glass chess set costing 3.50 and 2 pounds respectively.

It was an unexpectedly cold day. Actually, every day that came after Tuesday were considered unexpectedly cold since no one anticipated the weather to change drastically from sunny and warm straight back to gloomy, windy and downright cold.

Although it is extremely naïve of everyone... because Manchester's weather has never been anything BUT predictable.

Not wanting to head straight back home after our 'haul', we googled a place that serves breakfast and came across this cosy little cafe called Toast Coffee House & Café.

After a serving of fluffy American pancakes, mushroom and cheese sandwiches and rich veggie English breakfasts, we went home, where I proceeded to resume my Sunday sleep.

'Twas a Sunny Day...

... and I spent half of it at home doing work (what happens when you refuse to sacrifice sleep), but I manage to get a bit of sun together with a couple of friends, and that is more than enough given the amount of backlogged work I have (not really that much left to do, to be honest).

Picked out a couple flowers from the park with the intention of pressing them between pages of a book, although I don't know how that will work out now that they've all turned to mush before I even managed to get them home.

Think I was out for less than 2 hours, but still made a little effort in dressing nicely; because I've realised that it makes much more sense to dress like the weather here. Today it was sunny; so I ditched the typical black denim + grey basics for a pair of white denims from Topshop, paired with a white/yellow striped shirt from Gap thats layered underneath my FAVOURITE oversized yellow jumper I got from Zara when I was in London a couple weeks back.

Blending in with the Bellsprouts (Pokémon enthusiasts know what I'm talking about)

I can't wait for the weather to be proper (read: consistent) warm, so I can start stowing my coats away in boxes and bring out the trench coats xx

Good morning!

Currently still in my bathrobe, contemplating the idea of a shower and also the idea of skipping lectures entirely. This might sound strange; but I was reading a couple of my old posts and for some reason I feel like I had a much wider vocabulary than I do now...

Which is why its a good thing I'm starting to blog regularly again (more like... every single day) because the more I write the more I would look up new words to use in a sentence thus contributing to my vocabulary as a whole.

I have a couple personal projects I've jotted down in my head and I'm excited to begin to explore and discover how far I can push myself, and my capabilities. I'm turning 23 this year and although I'm not completely without talent; I do however lack a defining... something.

Its difficult to explain, also unnecessary to because the projects are purely self beneficiary.

Oh well, off to make myself presentable for lectures ! I can't skip any more because I will get kicked out of this course if I do... and as much as I miss home; thats not how I plan to go.

Cheers xx

Finding a Home.

I've just got back from a house viewing with future housemates. Since its been quite a while since I've updated, its safe to assume that no one (except for my close friends and family) knows exactly where I currently live and who I currently live with.

For security purposes; I live in an apartment I can't disclose the name of with my cousin Syasya, who is currently doing her ACCA examinations.

She's going back for good this June after she's done with all her papers; leaving me on my own, so I've managed to convince a couple friends to take me into their home since one of them will be leaving for London the next term.

A couple incidences have happened nearby where all of us currently live; sometimes the most convenient of living areas aren't necessarily the safest. So most are contemplating whether or not to extend their contracts, given the circumstances. So we've been out looking for homes several times now.

Personally; I fear living in landed properties here, purely because theres only a single door that stands in between a criminal standing outside and your belongings (and you) on the opposite side. Robberies aren't rare, especially in a student-populated city like Manchester; because lets face it, every single person in a student property would own at least a laptop each.

But its either living on my own + tolerating strangers like I did during my first year here; or live with friends so I don't go crazy (this happens more often that I would like to admit).

Here's another picture of me because... I want to show off my helmet !

YES I'm a cyclist now ! And I absolutely LOVE being one. Manchester is such a nice place to cycle; its safe, and most importantly its flat (because God knows I won't get anywhere if it requires me to cycle up a hill) 

But I'll write more about that on another post :-)

Right now I have to continue doing my part of the groupwork due next Monday... booooooo~~

Tech Week.

Currently in my room doing work... but not anymore obviously. I've been doing work since 10 in the morning so I think I deserve a little break. 

Its Tech Week for us second year students and the only reason why I believe everyone is even doing any of the work we're assigned to recently is because we just want to get group work over and done with. Yes, 'tis the last time we will be working in groups.

WOOHOO !

I don't have a problem with groupwork per se; but this year the people in my group don't really click so more than often, it gets a little awkward working with each other.

I'm also excited because then I could focus on developing my own work for the next (and final) project. I'm only starting to get the hang of a couple softwares and I really want to push myself to be better and better at it, so I can start producing amazing work and end my year with a B A N G.

And start my final year with a B A N G equally as loud. InsyaAllah.

Well, its time to get back to work, I am determined to get my part done by tomorrow morning! Completely doable, so this is not me being unreasonably optimistic.

The Problem.

There you stood; high up on the pedestal that you put yourself on,

You are an absolute vision.

The only problem is; the only way I could see you up there,

Is if I were further down below...

And that is where I placed myself.

Bye.

Packing for Lyon. Feeling one too many things at once;

Excited to be leaving Manchester for a bit.

Sad having to leave behind my cousin Syasya for 9 days :-( 

especially when its her birthday week

Scared because of the MAJOR MAJOR workload that needs to be submitted in only 2 weeks after I get back.

Egh.

I just feel like... punching someone. So the thing is, its nearly a month now since I came back to Manchester, but my flat still has no internet.

Not only that I had to wait three weeks just to have Sky broadband installed (making Malaysia seem light years ahead of the UK in terms of the matter) but now that it is installed, we're told that theres a problem with our phone connection and that we would still be unable to use internet.

What pisses me off so much is the fact that their (Sky) own engineer came by to check if everything was working, and told me that everything was up and running and the longest I'd have to wait after he left was 24 hours before a connection is established.

But that was not the case.

I would have had to wait 7-20 days longer if I didn't threaten to terminate my contract with them and basically force them to send someone / do something about by the end of the week (Sunday, tomorrow). And if its still not up, then FCUK YOU SKY BROADBAND. F U C K Y O U for making me wait nearly a month for literally, NOTHING when I could've have had registered with another company (albeit with slightly more expensive rate) that would not have kept me waiting for more than a week.

And because I refuse to keep having to head over to university just so I can use the internet, I bought a wifi package for 18 pounds. Brilliant. Just, brilliant.

But in attempt to be optimistic because I do believe if I hate something too much, then life in general would hate me back; at least I DO have an option of having internet at home, even if I had to pay a sum I would have rather put towards a month's worth of groceries. Thus; Alhamdulillah.

Things happen that is not in our favour sometimes. And that in itself; is life.

Things Take Time.

Oh hello there future room, I've accepted the fact that you won't be ready for me to move into before the day I return to Manchester, but thats okay. I look forward to seeing you in December, and am even more so because I've already began sourcing some items from the UK that I would love to bring back to put in you.

Also, a tiny blooming rose from Mama's rose bush at our new home.

Growing Up.

Three cheers for Nadhrah for finally indulging on something that isn't eyeliner and BB cream !

Now to figure out how I'm supposed to make this work for me and not against. Attempts in the past that involves drugstore-bought eyeshadow resulted in one too many failures.

Another one of today's buy from Sephora is.... this;

I've read and watched one too many good reviews about this and am pleased to discover that it is available in Malaysia.

Excited to give both items a try !

PS: Why yes I am in a kaftan.

Meh.

Why do I even bother having someone else take care of my matters for me for the last 22 years of my life. When I know I can do a better, if not the same job myself.

Basically, I just pushed my flight back to Manchester on the 20th of September from the predetermined flight on the 12th (this Thursday), and this would not have been possible if I had allowed a certain someone (not related to me) to do it for me.

I'm going to spare the details because although I personally believe he/she did not do as he/she was told, it might have just been some miscommunication... somewhere because I proved him/her wrong.

*positive thoughts*

So yes, I now have more than a week to spend at home and frankly I have no idea what I'm going to be doing with the 'extra' time now, but I'll figure it out. And I hate to admit that although I said I have given up any and all hopes that my family will finally get to move out before my leaving the country, I do still remain a molecular bit... optimistic.

If I may say so myself.

So YES, please please please please please let me at the very least move my stuff into my new room. 

Unsettled.

So its going to be a week before I head back to Manchester; and frankly I don't know whether or not I am happy to be back so early (since my first class would take place 2 weeks after).

On one hand, I feel a little heavy hearted to be leaving home. As usual. Because as much as I enjoy and appreciate studying overseas, a piece of my heart will always be left at home.

But on another hand, I do look forward to going back. Mostly because I feel... unsettled, even at my own home. Now that my bedroom has been taken over and is now functioning as the family wardrobe, I sleep downstairs in the living room.

My luggage, since I returned home in July is still unpacked. So I don't feel as if I've truly even been home at times in the past 2 months.

Truth be told; I looked forward most to moving out of our current home, to what would be our new home. Unfortunately though, construction's been really slow and our move just keeps getting delayed. I was optimistic at first that we would get to move in before I leave, but right now I've taught myself to be nonchalant about it all because I know chances are slim and I hate getting my hopes up for nothing.

All I planned to do during the summer was to enjoy our new home and I've come to realise that I'm the type of person who gets stuck when her plans just don't fall into place. Because I've set myself up for a move, and it hasn't happened yet, I feel incapable of moving on to and making other plans.

I haven't even seen much of my friends. Granted, they are all busy themselves, but I can't seem to bring myself to make plans to see any and all of them. 

All I've been doing at average every day is... nothing. It pisses me off knowing that I've wasted so much of my summer break doing practically nothing, but I really just... can't bring myself to do much else. I feel so unsettled.

I hate it.

Bangkok; Day Two and Three

When we arrived to Bangkok the day before, my mother requested that the hotel arrange a hired car to bring us to the famous floating market.

In order to catch the floating market however, we needed to leave our hotel at 7.30 am because the journey to the Damnoen Saduak floating market would take us roughly 1 hour and 30 minutes, if not 2 hours. Bangkok is famed for their traffic congestions.

So after breakfast, we met with our guide and moved on to our destination, but not without needing to stop for the restroom thanks to my small bladder and my insistence on drinking about a gallon of water before we left the hotel.

In order to get to the floating market; we had to take a different boat there.

At the first stop, we bought ourselves these hats because... lets face it; we're dedicated tourists. The fact that it shields us from the unforgiving Bangkok (or Bangkok outskirts) sun, is a pretty good bonus, we later discovered.

The first boat to the floating market is roughly a 5 to 10 minutes ride. After that we alight onto another one, that led us through the crowded river, passing by boats selling things from chicken skewers to mango sticky rice to tourist souvenirs.

I Went Mac, and Then I Went Back.

GREETINGS !

Okay, so new laptop came in today (not really though, because I had to drive to a place in Shah Alam to pick it up) and I am a wee bit... overwhelmed, if I may say so.

Well first of all; Windows 8.

What the fudgestickles (!!!!!!!)

Half, if not most of the time, I have no idea what I'm doing. And frustrations all over when I realise that I can't minimise Skype, and have Hadzray sleeping in a tiny little box on the top of my screen while I sort my life out. I've come to figure out that Windows 8 kinda works like my iPhone. Basically, I can't run 2 apps simultaneously on a single screen. 

But I'm trying not to hate Windows 8 just yet, because I remember feeling the same when I first got my Macbook four years ago. I WILL love this OS.

Second of all; Adobe Creative Suite.

Now, I am no computer software genius, but I got lucky with downloading the entire Adobe CS6 on my Macbook thank you to this magic crack folder I got through Youtube. But now, I am back to Square UNO. 

Also, something is stopping me from downloading AutoCAD and the likes.

*screams internally*

Bangkok; Day One.

I don't know how to begin to tell the story of how this trip came to be. I remember being a really obnoxious daughter years earlier, always asking my parents to bring me to Bangkok. Unfortunately, on the year that I was very persistent on wanting to visit this city (even though I know very little about it except that it has awesome mangoes and Chatuchak) was when the country was going through political rafts... or something.

I apologise profusely for being so uninformed.

We were actually supposed to go as a family, but however, under some circumstances; it didn't happen and only four of us went - my mother, my elder sister (Lisa), my younger sister (Nadia) and myself.

Our flight left from the LCCT the morning of 27th August and we were to stay in Bangkok for two nights.

Upon arrival we were more than pleased to have discovered that my dad (being the charitable person that he is) had booked us a room at The Peninsula, which offered us the amazing view overlooking the Chao Phraya river and the Bangkok city skyline.

Bless you, Ayah.

The next best thing about the hotel are the shuttle boats that will have become our main mode of transportation over the next 3 days. Or at the very least; the most crucial.

My beautiful Mama.

It is from the hotel 'jetty' that we board the boat to get to the Saphan Thaksin BTS station across the river. And from the BTS station to everywhere else.

At the Saphan Thaksin BTS station, headed towards National Stadium.

Our first destination was MBK Mall, which we went to for one very particular reason; Monthong Durian Chips. My family first discovered it when we went to Koh Samui, and from then on have fallen madly in love with it.

My parents buy us stock whenever they visit Bangkok (or Thailand in general), and if not, they make it a point to ask anyone else to get them for us as a favour when they come by the city themselves.

With our bags of kerepek durian, headed back to the hotel.

We didn't do anything other than visit MBK to have lunch and buy crisps in the day because everyone was so exhausted for some reason. For me, the reason was that I only got an hour of sleep the night before. 

So after returning from MBK, we just rested until it was time to leave for Asiatique, where my sisters and I will be watching our first cabaret show, and my mother; her fourth. 

Laptopless.

I'm blogging from my mother's MB Air right now, because I had recently sent in my Macbook to the service centre, and although it was estimated that I would receive it by latest yesterday; I have yet to receive any news about it.

Which has lead me to believe that my Macbook is suffering from more problems than I had anticipated. Eek. Hoping the bill doesn't sum up to such a terrifying amount because....

I have a new incoming laptop that I will have to pay for. *cries blood*

I can't exactly disclose what kind of laptop I'll be getting, but only because I know so very little about it and not because I'm trying to be really obnoxious and mysterious. Everything from A - Z was taken care of by the boyfriend and all thats left for me to do is wait for it to arrive and pay for it.

Left: Girlfriend who cannot be bothered to understand computer-related jargon.

Right: Boyfriend who understands computer and is more than happy to do all the work for girlfriend.

Apparently my new device is going to be reallyyyy fast and I'm sure thats a good thing, especially being an architecture student. Now all I have to do is get my hands on every possible software I plan on experimenting on and well... experiment before the beginning of the Fall term.

Oh well. Whatever it is, I need them both to be here before I have to leave for the UK mid-September.

0320 Hours.

I just came back from a long night out with the sister, her boyfriend and a cousin and am now having trouble sleeping because all I can think about is whether or not the boyfriend would be slightly ticked off that I accidentally and without intention 'ditched' him when I promised to keep him company while he works on his most recent assignment.

*shivers*

Its funny how quickly I've changed from being the girl who is adamant about being in a relationship to one who worries about (seemingly) small matters such as this, because in my head I always imagine that it would snowball and we'd eventually break up.

I know its crazy, and the me a year ago would've been more than prepared to land a blow to my head, but whats even crazier I think is the massive amount of love I have for this guy. Oh and also how afraid I am of losing him.

I refuse to delve into details, but lets just say that; I've found the guy I'd like to have around for the rest of my life; who challenges me to be better and inspires me to dump fiction (for the meantime) and reach for books shelved under the 'Science' genre.

I am happy to say that I've rediscovered my inner nerd and that New Scientist is now... an addiction. Current read; Stephen Hawking's 'A Brief History of Time'. NBD.