Desires. Aspirations. Thoughts. Drive. Intimidation. Love. Norm. Serendipity. The motherf*cking future.
Just to name a few things that runs through my mind on a daily basis. I know I'm only twenty, and I shouldn't be stressing myself out with 'adult' thoughts.
But I do. If I don't start taking control over my life now, when will I ever? To go through with living without a care, without giving a single f*ck about anything or everything sounds nice, but you will reach a point where you go into introspection and realize that you just wasted your life and now that you want to catch up, the world have long left you behind while you skipped and threw confettis of flower petals on the pavement.
See, ever since I was a child I knew what I wanted to do in life. Strangely enough, even about being an architect. Medicine was just a wrong decision that in my opinion I was destined to make in order to realize that I should never (ever) go down a path that every other person (except for yourself) choose for you.
I loved cats. And every other animal of course. So I wanted to open an animal shelter. I loved watching National Geographic, so its only natural that I wanted badly to go to South Africa even though back then I just called it Negara Haiwan (Animal Country).
As I grow up and discover new things, my list of Things I Want To Do in Life increased up to a point that a single sheet of paper wasn't enough to fit everything into. But it was okay. After having written that list again and again and again to constantly remind myself; its carved into my mind.
Yes it is possible that if you were to take my brains out, it'll be filled with inscriptions. Okay dah mula merepek.
I may be unaware of this, but somehow, I've always thought that I needed to achieve these things in the time I've semi-consciously decided for myself.
I needed to get my degree by the time I reach twenty-five. I'll have to meet my future husband while still studying, and we'll marry once I graduate and have a job. This husband of mine must also be older than I am, is already working by the time I graduate, and has to be in a different line of work / has a different profession... Among a thousand other things.
But the other day, I began to feel that a time limit to all these aspirations of mine... is inconsequential.
Its obvious that our society has instilled into us this need to rush. Rush into school. Rush into college. Rush into graduating. Rush into marriage. Rush into doing your postgraduate. Rush into a job. Rush into getting a promotion. Rush into buying a house. Rush into starting a family.
(I say our society, because you don't really see this outside of Asia.)
Its all rush rush rush that we forget to slow down and enjoy the limited time we have in this temporary world, and by the time we're old and weary, we'll tell our children; Do this and that while you can, because when I was young I didn't.
And the cycle continues.
Its frightening. WHY do we do this? Thinking through my list... HOW did I ever think that all that is even possible, in the very little time that I allowed myself? I'm not being pessimistic... but the scale of this list is larger than one would imagine.
So it struck me; I should stop.
Not to a complete halt, but I should just stop thinking about the What Ifs. What if I don't graduate before time? What if no firm wants to take me in? What if I'm not married by the time I'm twenty-five? What if I become an old spinster living with seventeen cats? What if I never get to feed sharks from inside a metal cage?
WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF.
I've decided to just do whatever is possible best for myself in the present, and just let the future unfold itself and surprise me whenever its most natural to.
For now I'll study. Hard. Whatever is to come next, is secondary.
Speaking of love... Or more accurately; A great liking towards a certain person of a different gender. (Because I find love to be a really heavy word, that is not to be used except when you really really mean it.)
How do I stop it?
I don't like this... feeling. Where you just... simply LIKE a guy.
Its sickening. Well at least in my opinion.
Whatever it is, I need it to evanesce into thin air and not disturb me until I'm done with my studies. And friends, YES I am ignoring your advice of;
'Stop choosing your mind over your heart'.
Sorry, but I'm just not ready to give myself up to someone and have him go around telling people I'm 'his' like he bloody owns my life. And being introduced as 'The Girlfriend' like I'm not my own person and have people perhaps know me as (insert name here)'s girlfriend.
Yeah no. If people know me, its gonna be because of ME. Yuh-uh.
Now I'm just being extra defensive for no reason. And so... this post ends. Bye.
But I do. If I don't start taking control over my life now, when will I ever? To go through with living without a care, without giving a single f*ck about anything or everything sounds nice, but you will reach a point where you go into introspection and realize that you just wasted your life and now that you want to catch up, the world have long left you behind while you skipped and threw confettis of flower petals on the pavement.
See, ever since I was a child I knew what I wanted to do in life. Strangely enough, even about being an architect. Medicine was just a wrong decision that in my opinion I was destined to make in order to realize that I should never (ever) go down a path that every other person (except for yourself) choose for you.
I loved cats. And every other animal of course. So I wanted to open an animal shelter. I loved watching National Geographic, so its only natural that I wanted badly to go to South Africa even though back then I just called it Negara Haiwan (Animal Country).
As I grow up and discover new things, my list of Things I Want To Do in Life increased up to a point that a single sheet of paper wasn't enough to fit everything into. But it was okay. After having written that list again and again and again to constantly remind myself; its carved into my mind.
Yes it is possible that if you were to take my brains out, it'll be filled with inscriptions. Okay dah mula merepek.
I may be unaware of this, but somehow, I've always thought that I needed to achieve these things in the time I've semi-consciously decided for myself.
I needed to get my degree by the time I reach twenty-five. I'll have to meet my future husband while still studying, and we'll marry once I graduate and have a job. This husband of mine must also be older than I am, is already working by the time I graduate, and has to be in a different line of work / has a different profession... Among a thousand other things.
But the other day, I began to feel that a time limit to all these aspirations of mine... is inconsequential.
Its obvious that our society has instilled into us this need to rush. Rush into school. Rush into college. Rush into graduating. Rush into marriage. Rush into doing your postgraduate. Rush into a job. Rush into getting a promotion. Rush into buying a house. Rush into starting a family.
(I say our society, because you don't really see this outside of Asia.)
Its all rush rush rush that we forget to slow down and enjoy the limited time we have in this temporary world, and by the time we're old and weary, we'll tell our children; Do this and that while you can, because when I was young I didn't.
And the cycle continues.
Its frightening. WHY do we do this? Thinking through my list... HOW did I ever think that all that is even possible, in the very little time that I allowed myself? I'm not being pessimistic... but the scale of this list is larger than one would imagine.
So it struck me; I should stop.
Not to a complete halt, but I should just stop thinking about the What Ifs. What if I don't graduate before time? What if no firm wants to take me in? What if I'm not married by the time I'm twenty-five? What if I become an old spinster living with seventeen cats? What if I never get to feed sharks from inside a metal cage?
WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF.
I've decided to just do whatever is possible best for myself in the present, and just let the future unfold itself and surprise me whenever its most natural to.
For now I'll study. Hard. Whatever is to come next, is secondary.
Speaking of love... Or more accurately; A great liking towards a certain person of a different gender. (Because I find love to be a really heavy word, that is not to be used except when you really really mean it.)
How do I stop it?
I don't like this... feeling. Where you just... simply LIKE a guy.
Its sickening. Well at least in my opinion.
Whatever it is, I need it to evanesce into thin air and not disturb me until I'm done with my studies. And friends, YES I am ignoring your advice of;
'Stop choosing your mind over your heart'.
Sorry, but I'm just not ready to give myself up to someone and have him go around telling people I'm 'his' like he bloody owns my life. And being introduced as 'The Girlfriend' like I'm not my own person and have people perhaps know me as (insert name here)'s girlfriend.
Yeah no. If people know me, its gonna be because of ME. Yuh-uh.
Now I'm just being extra defensive for no reason. And so... this post ends. Bye.
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